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Friday, June 4, 2010

You know, life was never so simple. I just read your blog and it's quite impossible to let him cry on your shoulder. It'll never come to that because the problem lies within you. There is no peace in your heart nor forgiveness for the pain he caused you. You'll live a moment of an oxymoron if that ever happens.

I feel that I can't be the brother I used to be. I want to be one but I can't. I can no longer keep my emotions in check like I used to. I'm becoming too soft. But I don't want to be a hard-hearted person. I feel so troubled all the time. Sometimes it's God that doesn't answer. Most of the time, it lies within you. Yes you.

There are certain things that you don't understand about me. You don't understand that I'm not the same as you are. I don't have the same morals as you do. I don't have the same problems. I tell you now that i'm actually the type of guy that needs people. I can live in solitary. I've got no qualms with that but when I get out of the solitude, you will never know me like you used to.

I'm trying to change. That's for certain. I know some things will take forever and I can't go on any further. Even typing this is really, really painful. I just want to know why can't you understand me. Why do I have to make all the compromises? It's horrible you know. I cause myself to suffer so the relationship can go on. I have to do this because I care more about you than I care for myself. If I had to die for you, I'll do it. I'd rather you live and be happy than for me to watch you die.

It's not easy being a guy. There are many responsibilities I have to take up because you don't see them. You don't see what I've done to make the relationship much more pleasant. It's tough, you understand? I can't go on. My heart is aching. I need a cure. I need hope. I need God back in my life.

Labels: June 2010

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